Random thoughts on our impending doom and everyday life, courtesy of a Romance Writer who occasionally feels the need to talk like a Sailor.

Friday, 20 April 2012

Bizarre Love Triangle... or, a look at Ménage Relationships.

Hello, my name is Kylie and I’ve been an Erotic Romance junkie for many years now. In particular, I like reading about ménage relationships. M/F/M or M/M/F are my fix of choice. A bit of BDSM on the side now and then, all good. Actually, any complicated relationship story that sucks me in featuring characters I can empathise with and a decent heat level...

I would theorise that a complicated relationship lies at the heart of any romance novel. A bit of a ‘Duh!’ statement perhaps. No complication = no story worth telling, or not one that will hold the readers interest past page three. But back to today’s subject to hand, the Bizarre Love Triangle.

Polyamory is an interesting one. Poly, meaning ‘many’ and Amor meaning ‘love’. It is the term used to describe concurrent, intimate relationships with the consent of all involved. Sometimes there is one core relationship and others are of a more casual nature. Polyamory is not cheating; it’s a different state of affairs entirely. Polyandry (andras meaning ‘man’) is where one woman has many husbands. There have been multiple cases of it throughout history, go check out Wiki if you want more information. How about Ménage á trios? That’s a French term meaning household of three.  Most often this situation arose as either a husband or wife took on a lover and brought that person into the family home.

Alright, so we’ve got some terminology to throw around, but how about the practicalities of such a unique situation? How would such a relationship work? I have enough trouble keeping up with my Partner and children without adding someone else and their needs, emotional or otherwise, to the mix. But love is an awesome, mighty thing. One article I read likened the situation to that of having a second child. You might think you couldn’t possibly love your new baby as much as you love your rambunctious toddler, but that’s not so. There is room inside for a whole lot of love. Now, I’m not certain the example is accurate, I have no actual experience here (Richard Armitage still won’t return my calls. Why, oh why must he deny me!?) just a wild imagination willing to play.

Apparently, it all comes down to a couple of simple ideas from which, no doubt, spring a well of complications. But first things first.

The big issue... Jealousy. We’ve all been hot wired from birth to believe in our one and only. That monogamy is the go. Our possessive natures might well be all over such a situation without some serious work involved. Maya Banks avoided this by having the three brothers in ‘Colters Woman’ coming from a family where one wife and multiple husbands was the norm. ‘Rough, Raw and Ready’ by Lorelei James tackles the seemingly overwhelming jealousies head-on when a married man’s former male lover makes an unexpected appearance. But either way, the key to the success of these relationships (and any relationship really) is...

Communication. This seems to be the beating heart of the matter. Starting with the first serious sit down the hero or heroine has with themselves. The whole ‘if I’m willing to open my mind to all possibilities, what the hell do I actually, really, honestly want here?’ question. It goes on from there. And on. And on. Which is what makes these relationships in particular so fascinating apart from the varied aerobics achievable when three hit the mattress.

Now, jealousy might actually be a survival trait. Think about it. The competition displayed between children for their parents time and attention. For resources. Can we really overcome that? Many might believe they could love more than one person but ask them how hot they are for the idea of their partner taking on another heart. Yeah. Maybe not. And I tend to think unless everyone in the mix has at least a healthy dose of respect for everyone else involved, it ain’t gonna fly. Complicated, like I said. Hard times and tricky situations.

Okay, enough from me. Got any thoughts on the subject? I’d love to hear from you... And here's a picture of Richard Armitage, just because...


  1. I think it all depends on the state of the relationship(s). Be it emotional or sexual in nature. Lust is one thing; love is another entirely.

    1. Absolutely Jay, and different things work for different folks. Every relationship is unique in what does and doesn't work.