Description

Random thoughts on our impending doom and everyday life, courtesy of a Romance Writer who occasionally feels the need to talk like a Sailor.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012

What happens when you get published... by me.



Typewriter!
Step one. I’ve written a book! F*ck yeah! I'm an artist and everything!!








Yay!
Step two. Having entered 3,000 competitions and gotten advice from Hemingway himself via a spiritual conduct, I’ve finally gotten a contract!

  






We are still not amused.
Step three. Sh*t, they sent me edits and I suck. 


  




Man, I love this picture.

Step four. Never mind, it’s too late to back out. Here it comes! Whee!




Vodka is always your friend.
Step five. What will people think?












We shall make sweet sweet love.
Step six. Yay! They love me!




















Oh yeah? OH YEAH?!
 Step seven. Boo! They only gave me two stars and they didn’t even say why! They hate me!










Frida's got it goin on.
Step eight. Having stayed awake for four days straight to track your rising Amazon rankings and quote by heart your four and five star reviews your brain begins to perish beneath the pressure.










Beetches! Give me back my iPhone!
Step nine. Your friends stage an intervention and forcibly remove your internet access. No longer able to stalk your rankings on twitter you dwindle and fade and eventually get over yourself and your stupendous publication.



Tentacle Porn is totes the way of the future.
Step ten. You start on a new book and get on with your life.

14 comments:

  1. Heh. Yep that pretty much sums it up!!!

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  2. Maybe I should save this so I have an illustrated guide (with cool captions & words of wisdom to remind me of images)....

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    1. May you need to use it very very soon, Nicky.

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  3. Thanks for that Kylie. Two stars? YOu mean there is some one out there who doesn't like zombie apocalypse erotica. I thought I had the honour of the lowest rating.

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    1. I know! Can you believe it! Oh well, can't please everyone... ;)

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  4. I really want to steal this. Except replace vodka with tequila! lol I hate it when they rate us poorly and not leave why. Ususally you hit a pet-peeve or something. Cheers Kylie I preordered your next one. Hurry up Nov!

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    1. Thanks, Debra! Muchly appreciated. :)

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  5. I think that's a fair outline. Now if we could only churn out those books!!

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  6. Next one? In November already? I can't tell you how happy that makes me:D

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    1. Yes, its a short story, Eleri. Set in the same world with different people. :D

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  7. ROFL : Love this, what a great insight. heaven help me when / if I'm in your shoes, being a tad on the OCD side, I will probl need to be locked up with a pen and paper. No IT toys in sight.

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    1. Suz, that is probably a very wise course of action. ;)

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