31 Flavors of Kink by Leia Shaw & Cari Silverwood...

This is the story of a happily married couple named Sidney and Nick. They have a nice little house and they both have jobs. They’re content even if their sex life isn’t rocking due to an awful event from earlier in Sid’s life. The woman has a few issues that make ‘normal’ sex uncomfortable and even occasionally painful for her. Conjugal relations being absent for months at a time is not unknown. But what she’s not telling her husband about is her interest in and appetite for certain erotic books. Certain books that involve elements of BDSM. Nick is a nice normal guy and she’s scared what his reaction to her interest in edgier and perhaps pain involving play might be.

 http://www.carisilverwood.net/

 http://www.leiashaw.com/

Now, on the cover of this book it says based on a true story which puts a wholly different perspective on things in mine eyes. This book is brave and honest and I applaud it. What would it take for a woman (with or without Sidney’s earlier unhappy history) to actually discuss kink with her long time partner in an open and honest manner? Maybe that’s what the whole 50 Shades shebang is bringing out into the open along with an awareness of how a little shopping at your local hardware can benefit you. Sidney is a very normal woman with very normal and understandable fears. She messes things up and fights with her husband. She gets drunk and says the wrong thing (though I would never do this). And she can’t do a striptease to save herself. I believe that putting the spanking and bondage and sex toy play in an everyday setting can only be a good thing. It’s easy to relate to the hopes and fears of these people and their struggle to understand the place of play in their sex life.

Now I’m going into something which is slight SPOILER territory so stop now knowing I endorse the book totally. Be free. Flap your wings. Read and learn and love a little. Go forth, buy vibrators and enjoy them with my blessing.

Okay, the point that I also wanted to discuss is where Sidney tells her on-line fetish friends of her growing experiments with her husband regarding BDSM. Some are supportive and some are not. Whilst it’s true some of her activities could be viewed as topping from the bottom it did still astonish me that people could be so you’re doing it wrong. You’re fake and horrible and blah, blah, blah. Sidney longs for this sort of sex play for her own reasons and for the most part her husband is extremely supportive. And let’s pop our thinking caps on here for a minute. Very few men would scold and scowl when asked to spank and cuff and f*ck their wife, I think. Especially when they've been heartily encouraged by their wife to do so. Deep down in the basement of their soul. Go on. Admit it. Alright, so it’s not for everyone but if your partner who you loved and adored wanted it for whatever reason then stepping up to the plate wasn’t going to be the worst thing you ever had to do. Was it? No. Not even remotely. And maybe it took Nick some time to get a handle on the situation but Sid was by no means wrong to try to bring this interest in BDSM into their relationship as opposed to say remaining very unhappy or getting a divorce. It thoroughly p*ssed me off that people on the BDSM forum lambasted her for doing it wrong.

Yes, let me repeat that statement. Apparently, she was doing it wrong. Because there’s only one way for a couple to power exchange that is valid. Because people aren’t allowed to come to their own kinkery f*ckery happy place their own sweet way with all the safe, sane and consensual accounted for. Because experimenting and growing and learning and sh*t are big no-no’s. Come on. Relax. Please. There are degree's to everything and no one right or wrong (again, with all safe, sane and consensual boxes ticked). Support and encouragement go a lot further towards helping people find their intimate happy than slapping labels on them and throwing rules at them ever did. Small minded bullying and bullsh*t really ruffles my feathers. I kind of wonder how much of this sort of behaviour we're going to see in the future with the growing emergence of interest in the life-style care of 50 Shades. Please, can't we just be happy that people are learning they have options?

So that’s me and my soap box done. I liked the book. I thoroughly recommend it. See you in the comments…