Promo - what most likely definitely doesn't work.

The Twitter Police. Be warned.

WARNING: Sweary language involved.

Promotion is a funny thing. Everyone agrees that as writers we need to be doing it. But no one can seem to tell us what actually works. So I thought we might come at it from a different direction and do a run down of what I've come to believe, definitely doesn't. Or at the very least, is worth a serious contemplation before commiting to. Remember now, I've only been twittering and all the rest for about a year so take my advice with a dose of salts and a dash of your own intuition.

Let's start with blogging. My publisher tells me it sells books and I never doubt a single word my publisher says to me. No matter that he met my declaration of being on a mission from God to sell smut with baffled silence. He knows stuff. Furthermore, to build an audience, you need people interested in reading you in the first place, right? Blogging is a great tool for giving people a taste of your wordy awesomeness. My advice would be to not write solely about writing (Haha, says me, writing about writing stuff. Oh shut up). 

I know it's tempting to talk lots about writing because it's a subject you're passionate about. But the audience waiting for your romantic tale of Sarah the Sloth's Sordid Soiree is made up of readers. Readers don't particularly want to hear you banging on about the integral and complex development of a narrative structure sure to wow the ages. Generally, the only people interested in such topics are other writers. If you are planning to sell your novel only to writers, you're probably not going to make much money. Sorry. Vary it, baby. (The best blogs for publishing/writing tips that I've seen are Roni Loren, Chuck Wendig and Kristen Lamb, just in case you're interested. You see, exceptions to every rule. Though those people are involved with writing ed and at least partially built their platform on it.)

Also, don't post once a month and wonder why the internet doesn't sit up in stunned wonder. You have to be reasonably regular about it. Sucks, I know. It takes up time you could be spending on your WIP. For this reason, some writers choose not to go there. Fair enough. But if you're going to do it, try to commit to a post a week minimum. Unless like me you have a deadline crushing your soul. Sorry, I know things have been quiet the last week!

Yay! Tentacle Porn!

Twitter. Ah, twitter. You constant cocktail party on the internet. Twitter is a conversation and the general rules of ettiquette apply. Don't be a dick, just be nice. If you wouldn't say it to someone's face, probably best not to do it online either. If all you're there to do is to spam people then fuck right off. Twitter is about trying to make friends. Some people won't talk back to you, other's might try to shoot you down. Never mind. Pick yourself up and go chat to someone else about the glory of David Gandy's crotch or tentacle porn or something. There are millions of people on there. Not everyone is going be on your wave length and vice versa.

By all means, retweet things that interest you, but be warned. If you're RTing a dozen things in a row you're going to risk pissing people off. How do you like it when someone suddenly fills your stream with nothing but their friends shenanigans? Take it easy, do a couple an hour perhaps, space those babies out. And those pre-programmed spam thingies? For the love of puppies, please consider not doing it. If you're going to spam people then have the common decency to be present and involved with your audience. If you're the type to send an Auto DM when someone starts to follow you, good luck with that. Most people will immediately unfollow you. It's not the best start to a relationship, is it? Getting in some strangers face and shouting about your book when they've just walked in the door. 

Oh, and please DO NOT retweet everything anyone says to you that is tedious as all hell. I think it's great that you have friends, but yeah... no.

I've heard people say 1/3 promo to 2/3 amusing anecdotes or general enquiries or whatever. It's probably a good guideline. I try to stick to it, but you know, things happen. Like when you have a new book release! WHEE! All the excitement! Those first few reviews and people going gosh almighty you rocked my world are really special moments. You're expected to celebrate them. Hell, you probably worked for months on that bastard. But if a week down the track your facebook interaction consists only of you shoving promo in people's faces, stop and think. That is not cool. Throw in a LOL Cat or something, spice it up occasionally. Be a person, not a promo machine. Show some personality and respect. 

Most people follow you because they want to feel they have some sort of relationship with you. Hopefully not a stalkery type one involving duct tape. But a friendship of sorts. Be a person, interact, let them in a little on your interests etc. TALK TO THEM. Yes, people do also follow authors to be kept up to date about their endeavours. That is a big part of it. And no, this recipe won't work for everyone. Someone disliked me discussing my favourite romance movies this week and dumped me. It came right out of the blue. One minute, I thought we were doing fine, then BAM! Didn't even leave me a Dear John letter. On the otherhand, some of us had a ball. I think Gone with the Wind got the highest amount of likes, so there you go. Dirty Dancing was probably second. 

To sum up, experiment and see what feels right for you. Be kind. Respect people. Think twice about what you're about to say. Sometimes it works for me, and sometimes vodka. Happens to everyone now and then, right? RIGHT?

Anyhoo... got your own hints as to what's worked for you? Disagree with me about something? Feel free to share in the comments.

P.S. If you're in the Sydney area, the lovely Zena Shapter does classes on social media now and then. Keep an eye out for them.