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| No matter how she apologised, Roger never did let Marjorie peg him again. |
According to dictionaries and Wikipedia, a lubricant
is something, usually oil or grease, used to reduce friction between moving
parts. But it can be somebody or something. In the case of the somebody, it’s
the person that eases an awkward situation or presents a solution to same.
Manners and/or alcohol could be a social lubricant. KY Jelly could be a sexual
lubricant. There’s apparently quite a lot of different kinds of lube. Can I
call it lube? I feel like we should be on a first name basis by now. So slipperiness.
The personal lubricants are used during sex to shield soft places from harm.
You know, pussies and cocks, butts and armpits too apparently. Though if you’re
doing that with someone’s armpit then I don’t want to know.
Now,
you might find yourself wondering why the hell I’m rabbiting on about this
topic. Good question. I’m not entirely convinced I have an answer for you but
here goes. I was reading a boy on boy book the other week and the lube was
conspicuously missing. Anal sex without lube would be nothing but a world of
pain so I don’t really understand what that was about. There was no mention that the characters were magically mysteriously naturally lubricated. There was no mention of it at all. Instead of enjoying the
sex scenes, I was wincing and feeling very poorly for the lads involved. Especially
the one on the receiving end. Ouches. Lube is, in some cases, a necessary fact
of life. We don’t need to treat readers like precious little flowers who might
wilt from the facts of life, do we? Seriously? I mean if they opened an erotic
romance, expecting the bedroom door to remain very much open, then they’re up
for the full ride, not just the gentile watered down version palatable to the
mass market.
There
are lots of different heat ratings in books, from bonnet rippers with their
hand holding to orgies on the throne room floor of an alien planet. But if you’ve
picked up an M/M book, or any erotic romance, then a certain level of honesty
can be weathered, right? I’d have thought so. But with a whole new range of
sexual behaviours becoming more common place in the romance genre, then maybe
we need to think about honest representations in books. Because the realism portrayed
in certain situations is a large part of what helps the reader to imagine it. Having
something so integral to the scene missing can really jar the reader out of the
story. If the sexual position would require an advanced degree in yoga with a
sideline in acrobatics then the reader might very well have a hard time visualising
it.
I
was having a discussion the other day with a writer about what we do or don’t
owe the reader in terms of authenticity and morals etc. At the end of the day,
a romance book is most likely not where you’re going to learn your life
lessons. That being said, I like romance as a genre because not only does it
give us an emotional journey to undertake, but it often makes us reflect upon
our own life and decisions. What we do or don’t want from a relationship. Even
what we might like to try in the bedroom. Books make us think and this is a
good thing. They give us adventures and hope and a whole wide world full of
experiences we most likely never would have had without them.
So
do we need the lube or does it not matter?
P.S. If you're after a how to on lube in the sexual manner then Paul Joannides "Guide to Getting it On" is still the best sex guide around in my opinion. It's also hysterically funny and heart-warming at times. Enjoy.
I think I read the same book and I was wincing right along with you!
ReplyDeleteYes, you probably did. :) I quite enjoyed it apart from that. But then, I read it for the world building.
DeleteYes, it matters. Yes, I know romance is fantasy, to some extent at least, and erotica probably more so, but I need a certain amount of verisimilitude (that word has way too many 'i's). Me, personally, I'm not reading that book in the first place, but if I did, then I would be distracted by the lack of the obvious. I get ticked off with people having sex with no mention of contraception or consequences (in ye olde settings) too. If you are getting your jollies in a contemporary, I want to know that that thing is sheathed in something other than the hot, wet, pussy, thank you very much. Dude who gets it on without getting it on, and without any thought that he should have, is no hero to me. Unless we all know that he's shooting blanks and has been celibate since his last health check, there has to at least be a mention of the possibilities.
ReplyDeleteOkay, will stop ranting, partly because I've had a thought. Was the book in question written by a woman? Do you think maybe she didn't know about the necessity du lube? I sometimes wonder if the reason Cathy and Heathcliffe never got it on was because Emily didn't know how...
So yes, I'm in the lube camp. If for no other reason than it jolts you out of the story. It's just as bad as anachronisms in historicals.
ZOMG, you said pussy! Ah, yes, the book was written by a woman. I don't think that's any excuse not to know the basics. It's a bit like people writing BDSM and not mentioning safety measures. Research at least the basics of what you write. Know your shit and all that. There are necessities for everyone to have a good time, same as there are consequences. Thanks, Im.
DeleteWell, I can say words like that on your blog! Besides, I was modelling what I was preaching and using language appropriate to the subject. ;) I agree, ignorance is no excuse. Dumb, too. Puts your potential audience off in exactly the same way as the history-lovers are put off by sloppy research. And if it was squeamishness, then what you said.
DeleteGreat post! Yes, lube, contraception etc should definitely be mentioned. Whenever I read something where it isn't, my brain starts focusing on that fact and I get pulled out of the story. And I agree, if you're reading erotica, you shouldn't have any difficulty coping with the mention of such things.
ReplyDeleteYou're right, Fi. If birth control isn't mentioned then I expect the story to turn into a surprise baby one, because believe it or not (and I read this on the internet so it must be true) sex is how babies are made! Did you ever?! Everything has a reaction, a consequence, and sex is no exception. Pretending it doesn't can drain a lot of credibility from the story. Thanks for commenting, mate.
DeleteYes, lube all the time!
ReplyDeleteYou're right Kylie, being realistic is important and I don't think it detracts from the activity or the description of it. I think it is an essential feature. Besides, lubing up can be sexy too! ;)
Thanks, Georgie. I don't think it detracts from the romance of the piece to let a bit of realism slip in. You're right, it can be sexy. :)
DeleteOr, it can be totally un-sexy. I read a m/m/f Regency once where the author kept calling the lubricant 'cream'. I couldn't stop thinking it was cream out of a cow. I don't care if he's the richest, hottest, best-hung duke in England, he's not putting *that* up my you-know-where...
DeleteI mean, sure, to be fair, in an historical you don't have too many product options. And hell, for all I know, the stuff they used back them really was called 'cream'. But... erk.
Cream is an interesting choice of word. Anything overused can get in the way. I keep thinking it must be for a rash but that's probably just me. Thanks, E.
DeleteI completely agree. When lube would obviously be necessary, I get jolted right out of the story and usually say something like, "for fuck's sake!" Even if the story is as out of this worldas you can get unless the alien in question has special lubing properties (see Cheryl Brooks' Catstar series - I hink that's the name), the author really needs to take this into account. I feel the same way when the giver of said sex act spits to create the lubricant, although this is a "real-life practice. In the case of a female, the pussy's love juice may be used as the lubricant, another "real-life alternative tat has never been adequate for me.
ReplyDeleteI feel a little differently about contraceptive unless the story is a contemporary romance. I may wonder about it, but if this is left out, it doesn't take me out the story as often.
Thanks for the post, Kylie.
mj
From henceforth I want to see Love Juice used at any and every opportunity. This is a must. To my mind, spit wouldn't cut it. Proper lube says love. Spit says something less, right? Thanks, MJ.
DeleteHi, I've got both feet firmly planted in the camp of "lube, and lots of it" AND using a rubber when folks don't know each other. But my sister disagrees, says it ruins the 'fantasy' and pulls her out of the scene, so I guess it's a personal thing. But for as long as I have the say so, all my characters are going to be latexed and lubed, dammit! In fact, I may have them frolic in a vat of lube, just to make my point ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm with you, Rhyll. And in your next book, I want to see... Go take a dip in the vat of lube, love. Then we shall roll across my silken sheets and perform unspeakable acts upon each others well greased bodies.
DeleteBTW, that image with the 'pegging' reference is priceless!
ReplyDelete:)
DeleteOh dear, you're right, I know you're right, I really do. And I agree with lube and condoms and the mentioning of them.
ReplyDeleteBut....I HATE the whole 101 different ways of mentioning it, of slowing the scene down or stopping it altogether for the inevitable - oh wait, lube time or oh wait, sheath me baby.
I do it because as a responsible woman/mother/nurse I know its the right thing to do but ergh....I hate it!!
I'd rather see a disclaimer at the front of all romance novels that says- unless otherwsie stated it is assumed that safe sex is practised between the covers of this book. Now edited to add "safe and fully lubricated".
And why is it that people demand a higher contraceptive/lube standard from romance novels than in other genre novels? Why am I twisting myself in knots because readers demand it (as they should) when they're banging around in other genres free of icky mentions?
I know....whine whine whine. First world problems and all that. Can you tell I'm just about to write a sex scene?? With condoms. No lube though - plenty of love juice for that :-)
The short is answer is yes, the use of lube should be written into the scene. Authors get things factually "wrong" all the time because all writers to some degree write about matters in which they have no personal experience. I suspect that the writers who are writing M/M anal sex scenes without lube are women who have not had anal sex.
ReplyDeleteBut the langer question is how much realism do we want in our fiction in general? When it comes to sex scenes, how much of it is fantasy, how much is real, and where do you draw the lines?
Look, we can't even find the hymen in romance.
ReplyDelete